The elusive squirrel finally caught

Mr. Hanson has been bravely saved by Deputy Dugg from the rabid squirrel


By Jonathan Meyer and Jeremiah Williams


Once again we are back on the scene of Hanson residence. This time, we not only have the Lansing Police at the residence, but also have Seal Team Six. There had been many attempts to rescue Carl Hanson from the upstairs bathroom. The Police had attempted to stage a rescue, but unfortunately they failed. There have been several S.W.A.T. team soldiers who have lost their lives already to the vicious, rabid squirrel. Deputy Dugg has offered some insight how he had bravely rescued Mr. Hanson from the savage squirrel.


Deputy Dugg told us how he did it, he explained, “When I entered the house I slowly walked up the stairs. When I reached the top, I locked eyes with the tiny devil. I looked at him and he looked at me. We lunged at each other with murderous intent. We battled each other all around the house, from the kitchen to the Basement. It was a terrible fight. Eventually, I was able to corner him and fired several shots at the creature. It roared and ran out a window, and I haven’t seen it since. Luckily, Hanson was rescued and peace has been brought to the neighborhood again.” Deputy Dugg went further to tell us, “If you happen to see a rabid squirrel armed with a spork, call your local police immediately.” This is where this amazing story ends, however, the beast could still be out there, so watch your back.